Listen: You’re an asshole. It’s who you are. But lately you look around and you see your fellow men peacefully coexisting with one another — skipping through meadows, riding tandem bicycles, and just generally not being total cunts all the time — and you want a piece of that action. The only problem is: You just don’t know how to go about not being a complete shithead. Where does one even start? Well, I’m here to help. If you are an asshole, suspect you might be an asshole, or just know an asshole who could use some help, read on to learn how to take the first little steps toward a normal life, bereft of scorn and shell necklaces.